Dressing Up

 

Undecided, Jacob Alexander Silsbury glared at the pile of trunks in the corner of his rooms. He had vowed he’d be out of these rooms by spring. One year after he’d finished school, he was still here, spring was upon him, and he wondered if he should at least dig through for his notebooks to refresh himself on some of the research he had been doing before the move. He was no closer to finding a solution to his difficulties than he had been when he’d moved in, a wet-behind-the-ears youth, just out of university. He’d hoped by now to be living on his own on the submersible house boat he’d built. It still sat in dry dock, finished, mostly. It floated and he could even make it dive, but not to the depths he needed to do the studies he wanted to do, and now he had no idea how to get the help he needed to find a solution. Worse, he had lost his advantage. He had lost his professor.

Taking a swig of the drink in his hand, he made a face at the taste scotch and memory left in his mouth. Jordan McKaskill had promised to introduce him to people who could help him make the machine work. Of course, McKaskill had also said he loved Alexi.

“And because I’m an idiot, I believed him.”

Smoothing a hand down his front, Alexi glanced at the plush velvety material covering his chest, fingered the froth of lace poking from the lapel of his robe. It crumpled under his fingers and he fought the urge to yank it away, tearing the fabric free of the garment. That was a childish reaction. So what if Jordanhated the clothes? Hated the man Alexi was. That was his problem.

Alexi turned his back on the crates and travel chests full of his books and tools, packed uselessly in the corner of the sitting room. He couldn’t as easily turn his back on the pain the professor had left behind. Foolish, schoolboy pain. He should have known better.

A knock at the door startled him out of his thoughts and he glanced at himself in the mirror. It was the middle of the day and he was still in his night clothes and dressing gown. He debated opening the door. Alone in his rooms, he’d indulged in his keen desire to put on a woman’s attire and there was no mistaking the frills and lace in the night clothes he hadn’t changed out of.

“Alexi?” His best friend’s voice filtered through the door and he sighed.

“Coming, Leonard.” The one person in the world he knew wouldn’t say a word about the lace and trim on his gown was his best friend. He stood to one side as he opened the door. “Come in.”

“Oh, Jacob.” Leonard stepped into the room and closed the door behind him, glancing at the drink in Alexi’s hand. “Again?”

Alexi glared at his friend. “Jacob is not in, Leo.”

 

* * *

 

Leo sighed. “All right.”

He studied his best friend closely. Never a robust man, Alexi was looking particularly sallow lately, and Leo wished he could ascribe the paleness to the long, wet season finally drawing to an end. Or to the equally long hours Alexi spent either in his laboratory trying to coerce the aether into doing what he needed it to do, or at the dry docks overseeing the creation of his latest steam powered commission. He knew the sadness had far more to do with a broken heart than with the challenge of intellectual puzzles his friend would, eventually solve.

“Alexi, then,” Leonard conceded. “Beare mentioned you hadn’t been down to break your fast yet today.” He glanced at the table beside Alexi’s favourite chair. “Though I see you’ve been free with the libations.”

“I am not drunk.” Alexi curled his fingers tight around the back of the chair he was standing behind.

“Of course not.” He picked up the mostly empty decanter and poured himself the last glass, which he gulped down in one sip. “Get dressed, then. We are going out.”

“Where?”

Leonard shrugged and pried Alexi’s glass free of his hand. “Wherever you want. For a bite to eat. Shopping. Anything you want. You are not staying in these rooms moping for another minute. Go put something nice on.”

He watched Alexi’s face as his words sank past the alcohol haze.

“Something nice,” Alexi murmured. He looked up at Leonard. “Shopping?”

“I shall be your escort today, Alexi. Beare has arranged for the usual discrete egress of your…lady friend, so if you please?” He motioned to Alexi’s dressing room. “Don’t take all day, or the shops will be closed.”

For another heartbeat, Alexi just stared at him, wide-eyed and frozen.

“Hurry up.” He kept his tone playful, light, and finally, Alexi spurred into motion, dashing over to plant a kiss on his cheek and darting away into the other room.

Leo smiled. The things he did for his best friend. He sank into Jacob’s chair to await the emergence of Alexi in all her feminine glory. No matter how many times he’d seen the transformation, he never completely got used to the breath-stealing effect it had on him.

He touched his cheek, as if he could feel the impression Alexi’s lips had made there. It left him wondering just how far he would go for the other man.

 

* * *

Leonard glanced out the window of the tiny dress shop and hurriedly backed into a darker corner. “I cannot believe I talked myself into this, Jacob.”

Jacob Alexander glanced at his friend through the mirror and made a face. “Don’t call me that. That is my father’s name, and it really does not suit me in the least. Soon enough, you’ll be calling me Lord Silsbury.”

“It is your name. You don’t expect me to call you Alexi, do you, now you really could be lord of the Manor soon enough.”

“Jordan does.” Alexi smiled to himself, but the smile as quickly faded. “Did.”

Leonard managed not to heave a sigh as he moved forward again and adjusted the tail of the overcoat Alexi was trying on. “Jordan.” He snorted. “Professor McKaskill threw you over, remember?” He brushed his hands over his friend’s shoulders, smoothing out the fine woolen garment.

“Wonderful. The reminder is most timely. Thank you, Leonard.”

“Seems you need reminding about every other minute, ‘Lexi,” Leonard said softly. He turned Alexi to face him. “Forget him. He doesn’t deserve this mournful expression. He was vile to you.”

“He was angry. And rightly so.” Alexi focused his attention on the buttons of his new coat and forced his fingers not to tremble as he pushed the tiny pearls through their corresponding loops. “I lied to him.”

“A small fib.”

“To get into his bed.” Memories of Professor Jordan McKaskill’s bed flooded his mind, followed closely by misery. “No, that isn’t precisely true. I lied in hopes he’d introduce me to the Browns. Which he never actually did. I used him, and he had every right to be angry.” Once again, he turned to the mirror, though his head remained bowed, and any joy he might have found in this latest purchase vanished under the morass of guilt and sorrow at losing something that had grown too precious to be replaced by even the most splendid new attire.

“Alexi, listen to me.” Leonard’s hands on his shoulders were still gentle, his long fingers curved, conforming to the almost girl-like curve of Alexi’s frame. “Jordan McKaskill does not deserve as fine a man as you. If he can’t see one youthful folly for the mistake it was and forgive you, then I say good riddance. Find yourself someone who appreciates you for more than your body.”

Alexi blew out a breath that puffed up his cheeks and turned just enough to show off the cut of his new coat, but not dislodge Leonard’s comforting touch. “What do you think of this coat, Leonard? Really?”

He studied the other man’s face in the mirror, prepared for Leonard’s habitual sneer to twist his plump lips.

“Really?” Miraculously, his friend’s expression remained placid. “You cut a fine figure, Alexi. The coat suits you better than it does my sister. The buttons are a nice touch.” He touched the one just over Alexi’s breast bone with one finger.

Alexi’s gaze dropped to the pearls. “Not too….”

“Not too anything,” Leonard confirmed. “Just exactly you. Now–”

“Oh!” Alexi spotted a familiar figure through the window. The very object of their earlier discussion was hurrying out of a shop across the street and Alexi snapped an expletive over his friend’s reassurances. He watched his professor peer in one direction, then the other, before turning aside from the doorway Alexi had spotted him exiting to shuffle furtively down the street. Dashing for the door of the small dress shop, Alexi wrenched it open, bent on calling out to his former lover.

“Jacob!” Leonard grabbed his hand, still on the door pull, and stopped him rushing into the street. “Calm down! Alexi!” He gave his friend a little shake. “Stop. Do you want him to think you’re dogging him? Don’t do this. Don’t be the lost puppy and give him another chance to kick you.”

“What was he doing in there?” Alexi asked, staring down the street at the professor’s retreating back. He spared a glance for the apothecary the older man had just exited.

“Maybe he needs a cure for a case of the vapours,” Leonard said with a vicious twist to his voice.

“Don’t be a harpy, Leonard.”

“For all you might like to don a skirt now and then, Alexi, that man is more simpering and prone to hysterics than you will ever be. Just let him go about whatever sordid business it is he’s up to and you come back in here. Try on the rest of your outfit for tonight. I’m dying to see what you’ve picked out to scandalize people with next.”

“No one frequents that establishment for legitimate cures, Leonard.” He couldn’t quite bring his attention back to the shop and the reason he was there. “Look. He’s turned down the lane. The back door to the club is down that way, at the far end of the street. He must be headed for the labs, but what would he be working on that he needs ingredients from White’s Apothecary?”

“Let him go, Alexi.” Leonard took his hand again, prying it from the door pull and turning him back to face the inside of the shop. He gave him a small shove into the centre of the sumptuous racks of women’s dresses, shelves of velvet and satin, and rolls of lace. “Show me what you bought for the ball.”

Alexi pouted, but he did model the rest of his outfit; a long, brocade vest in rose-colored satins, a shirt with probably too many frills to ever pass as manly, and narrowly-fitting trousers that showed off the long, slim lines of his legs.

“Well?” he asked, fingers dancing over the fine brocade.

“You’ll be the belle of the ball, no matter how many pretty girls in curls and jewels and perfume show up.”

“Tell me again why you aren’t coming with me?”

“You know why, Jacob.”

And there was an effective end to that conversation. Support and acceptance Leonard might have in abundance, but if he had any desire for Alexi, he would never admit it. Any time they came near the possible mention of such a thing, Alexi once again became Jacob, childhood friend and confident. Asexual. To be kept at arm’s length and innocent as they were as boys no matter how many times either of them kissed and told.

He kept any evidence of disappointment off his face. Not that he wanted his oldest and best of friends as a lover. He knew Leonard just didn’t want to imagine that kind of relationship. But having this staunch support at his side when he entered that ball room tonight,  even as a friend, would go a long way to both healing the rift in his heart Jordan had left behind, and to securing his social standing as heir to a house he didn’t really want.

That only made him think, yet again, of his ailing father, ill with some disease no doctor could name or cure. Not that he would necessarily mourn the man’s passing very much. They had never been that close. Lord Silsbury believed whole-heartedly in formal education, and both his sons spent most of their young lives with nannies, tutors and then away at boarding schools. Thankfully, his absent parents had allowed for the friend he now had in Leonard, but Alexi barely knew the man he stood to inherit his vast fortune from.

“Do not give me that kicked puppy expression, please,” Leonard complained.

So he hadn’t schooled his expression as well as he’d hoped. “I am not giving you anything, Leonard. But he will be there, and walking in on my own…”

“Stop it. There is no shame in having the strength to show him you don’t need him. Walk in there, with your head up, looking as good as you do now, and every one of your precious Aether Lords will wish they could whirl you ’round the dance floor. Let him eat his cold, dead heart out over that.”

“Why do you have to be so mean?”

Leonard let out a heavy, frustration-filled sigh. “Because someone has to be, my dear. You are entirely too soft-hearted.” He ruffled Alexi’s hair affectionately. “Soft-headed, where this professor of yours is concerned. If you won’t be sensible enough to be angry at him, I shall have to be harsh enough for us both.”

“I don’t like you calling him names or wishing him ill.”

“And I don’t like him breaking your heart, or having this hold over you still, when you would have long walked away from any other lover who treated you as he has. No, ‘Lexi, I’m sorry, but in this case, you do not get to dictate how I feel about this man. He has hurt you, and there is no rule in any universe that says I have to forgive him for it.” Leonard fiddled with the lace at Alexi’s throat, his movements quick and irritated. “You were mine first, since you could barely walk. I have prior claim to your wellbeing, always. From now on, any man who thinks he has a claim on your foolish heart must go through me. Any man who doesn’t care for the idea can just keep walking.”

Alexi blinked at his friend for a moment, then laughed. “Oh, Leo. My knight protector. As if I needed one.” He gently pushed Leonard’s hands from his clothing, but held them a moment longer before releasing them and taking one small but decisive step back. “I think perhaps I may never understand you, Leo, but I do appreciate you. I’m going to get changed. Will you wait?”

“Of course. And I will walk with you, if only to assure myself you don’t go haring off after that man.”

 

* * *

 

And walk him Leonard did, as soon as Alexi arranged to have the new clothing and the skirts he’d arrived in delivered to his rooms.

They strolled down the street fronting the alley the professor had lately taken, Alexi now dressed impeccably, if slightly fancily, as the lean, petit man he was. Alexi’s glimpse down that alley didn’t escape Leonard’s notice.  Some days it was hard to think of Alexi as anything other than the foolhardy boy he’d been sent to tutor. If what he had done all these years could even remotely be called that. He was only five years Alexi’s senior : seven when he’d arrived at the Silsbury residence. Hardly of an age to teach anyone anything, he had been tutor in name only. In reality, he’d been a lonely child thrust into a strange home to help an aging nanny care for the Silsbury’s eldest child. Alexi literally had been his charge since the boy could barely walk. Not that he was a boy any longer.

That fact had not escaped Leonard’s notice, either. Very little concerning Jacob Alexander Silsbury got past Leonard’s keen eye. Not his inexplicable interest in women’s clothing or his even more inexplicable interest in Professor Jordan McKaskill. This first intrigued Leonard, brought out his protective instincts, and, oddly enough, fuelled something in him he wasn’t sure he cared to explore. The latter just infuriated him. McKaskill was a shifty, pompous ass. If the split between his friend and the professor hadn’t done so much damage to Alexi’s self-esteem and broken his heart, Leonard would have been glad of it. As it was, he was not sorry the older man was out of his friend’s life. Not in the least.

Now if he could just get the bastard out of his friend’s heart, he would be happy.

And that was partly why he was not going to the ball with Alexi. If he did show up on the young Master Silsbury’s arm, there was little hope Alexi would chance mingling, and even, God forbid, meet someone who might actually appreciate him. Some things, Leonard couldn’t give Alexi. The least he could do was stay out of the way.

I suppose,” Alexi was saying, “I could have ordered a carriage.”

“That is what gentlemen of standing do, I’m told,” Leonard said, keeping his tone dry. “Far be it from Young Master to do what is expected.”

Alexi cuffed his arm. “Call me that again, and I just might exercise some of my Lordling privileges and have you flogged.” He glanced up at Leonard. “Can I do that?”

Leonard blinked at him, momentarily taken speechless. “You—I—“

Alexi laughed; the sound bright and bouncing in the morning bustle of the street. “I—“ he teased, mimicking Leonard’s flustered stumbling. “You—“ He tucked a hand in Leonard’s elbow and giggled. “If I didn’t know better, Leonard, I might think a flogging something that you wouldn’t necessarily say no to. Perhaps if administered by the right doxy?”

“Uh—“ Leonard felt the heat creep up his neck.

“Well.” Alexi leaned into him slightly, jostling him with his shoulder and dropping his voice to a husky whisper. “Now I know something about you, my dear friend, I did not know when I woke up today. You truly never cease to amaze me.” He stopped abruptly and turned toward the building they stood beside, so he was almost chest to chest with Leonard. “And I shan’t judge you for it any more harshly than you judge me for my skirts.”

“It isn’t—I don’t—“

“Never mind.” He patted Leonard lightly on the chest. “No need to spell it out.” He stepped away. “This is me.” He pointed to the building. “Thank you for the escort.”

“Wait!” Leonard fumbled for his arm. “Wait, ‘Lexi, I just…I’m not…” He lowered his voice and moved close again. “I am no deviant, ‘Lexi. Is this what was going on with that professor? Did he do something? I’ll kill him—“

Alexi snarled and yanked his arm free of Leonard’s grip. “A deviant? Really, Leo. There was never anything between Jordan and I that you need to get your knickers in a twist over. I’m a grown man.” He tilted his head. “Something I’ve long forgiven you for not noticing. Now if you’ll excuse me—“

“But if he did something, ‘Lexi—“

“For your information—“ Alexi’s voice had risen, but he straightened his shoulders and lowered his chin, glaring up at Leonard with fire in his eyes. His voice, when he spoke again, was low and angry. “For your information, should anyone in my bed wish it, I would be the one wielding the flogger. I am not a child any more, Leo, and while I thank you for it, I do not actually need your protection. If you’ll excuse me. I have things to do.”

“Jacob!”

But Alexi was already walking away, one hand held up to forestall anything Leonard might say, though he didn’t bother to turn and look back.

“Isn’t it about time you moved out of these rooms, Jacob?” Leonard called, in a last ditch effort to get his friend to turn and look at him.

Alexi took the steps to the building two at a time and turned at the top, just in front of the doors to the Lords of Aether club. “Soon, Leo. Soon.” Then he turned on his heel and disappeared inside.

Lenard chewed on his bottom lip, watching the door swing shut, frustrated and annoyed that Alexi had so easily flustered him and, once again, defended the professor. No doubt, the younger man was inside now drilling the club’s steward about what the professor was up to. For a man as smart as he was, Alexi could be blind to the faults of the men in his bed, or the ones he wanted there. Just one of the reasons Leonard tried very hard to remain off that short list. He wanted—needed—his relationship with Alexi to remain equal. Honest. There was no other way to keep his vow to make sure the Silsbury house stayed strong. A strong house with a good, solid financial base was the best insurance Alexi had against any eventualities, like the ugliness that could happen should he flaunt his idiosyncrasies a little too publically.

“You’ll be the death of me, ‘Lexi,” he muttered to himself as he crossed the street to the café on the other side and sat down to wait.

He ordered a coffee and sipped it as long as he deemed necessary to give Alexi time to ask his questions, gather his mail and head to his rooms. When he thought it was safe, he paid his tab, re-crossed the street to the club and mounted the steps himself.

Inside, it was like the busy bustle of the mid-morning commerce did not exist. The foyer was immaculate, as always, and a page solicitously took his overcoat from him as he stopped to hand it over.

“Polish your shoes, sir?” the boy asked, motioning to the high chairs against the wall.

“Not today, thank you.” He hurried past, making his way straight to the bar where Beare was already setting out a hot coffee and splashing whiskey into the cup.

“So?” Leonard asked as he took the first sip.

Beare said nothing, just lifted an eyebrow at him.

Leonard fought back the urge to snarl at the man. “What did he ask you?”

“I’m sure the weather came up,” Beare replied.

“Did he ask about the professor?” Leonard asked, enunciating each word as though the steward were a simpleton.

“Doesn’t he always? And don’t I always give the same answer?”

“I’m sure you do.” Leonard set his cup down. “What is our dear professor working on, Beare?”

“You don’t honestly think he tells me?”

Leonard met his eye without flinching. “I don’t honestly think anyone has to tell you anything. And yet, somehow, you always know.”

“Do I?”

If Leonard didn’t know he would lose a few fingers trying, he would have reached across the counter and strangled the man. “If the professor were engaged in something…dangerous…”

“I would tell you why?”

“Because Master Silsbury would end up in the thick of it through his own foolish, wishful heart, and I would not have that happen, Beare.”

“If he is a fool, then so are you for caring.”

“Perhaps.”

“You know my own priority is this club. Should anything…come up, I shall ring the fool.” Beare turned his back then, and Leonard downed the rest of his drink in a swallow as he stood to go.

“Mr. Stokes.” Beare’s call stopped Leonard at the threshold and he turned. “At your age, perhaps it is time to dispense with calling him Master?”

Leonard’s lips curled into a soft sneer. “I suspect whatever else changes, Beare, that is one thing he will always be.” He turned away. “In one way or another,” he muttered under his breath as he made his way to the entrance and collected his coat.

How much would he have to pay, he wondered, to have the owner of that little dress shop whip him up a waist coat to match Alexi’s in time for the festivities?

 

 

Jaime Samms Alexi Silsbury, Leonard Stokes, Professor McKaskill, Savage Beare